Tuesday, August 18, 2009

It Came From The Con Suite

I know many of you have been waiting for this - so here is the story written at OSFest 2 on the Con Suite wall:

The con chair lay in a pool of blood. The color of the blood was a light green, and smelled like pancakes. They were Good! The congealed sticky, parts splattered to the far corners of the room. “They don’t pay me enough to clean this!” She thought as she entered the room. She started to wipe up the mess with a sponge, but it stuck. She tried to let go of the sponge but she was stuck to that too. It took eight of Artoo’s tools, including his heavy duty wrench, to get them unstuck. Unfortunately, she’s now stuck to him. And then the rocks began to fall. Heisenberg may have been here. Instead of bouncing off, or crushing them, they stuck. Only the fact that the rocks stuck prevented an avalanche that would have wiped out the valley below. “EVERY Thing is all sticky!” She bellowed. To which a passer by replied, “That’s what she said.” But just then something strange happened, the green sticky blood began to glow. The two stared in horrified fascination as the blood began to envelop them both, seeming the crawl up their arms. But they didn’t mind because it all still smelled like pancakes. “Root beer is sticky” says John Pershing. MMMM, Root Beer flavored pancakes. They thought as the started to rise into the air. Suddenly they heard a noise that sounded like the death rattle of 1000 wild nerf. And then the “Shat” hit the fan….
Falling out of the sticky, sweet, coagulated blood they realized by the smell of sulfur and sounds of screams that they had landed themselves in their own personal hell.
I left the iron on at home…
“Oh no! The Children! The Children…!”
“Oh fantast free me!!!”
And more rocks fell?
Rocks fall, everyone dies?
Resurrection being cheap everyone is put back to work
I hope they have hard hats…
[Obviously a musical interlude that includes a dance number and with jazz hands!! And “spirit fingers”]
After time-space corrected itself, the girl and Artoo found they were free from the green, glowing, pancake-scented blood. However, it had gained sentience, and spoke in a gurgly voice…”Feed Me!”
They turned and ran back to the green pancake scented blood. She stripped off her headband and soaked it in the blood, then flung it at the hungry creature.
“Eat this!” She screamed. A random passerby replied, “that’s what he said” as the bloody headband hit the green blood it sunk in and dissolved then the green blood began to grow.
Superman’s a ninja.
The cake's a lie.

Join us next year at OSFest 3: Under Construction where we will again tape pink butcher paper to the Con Suite wall for everyone to contribute to another wonderous piece of fan fiction.

Share and Enjoy!

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